it started with reading a sexy vampire  romance novel then i passed out. to my surprise  when i woke up to kissing her neck biting her and then her drawing blood from my chess a huge sexy kinky surprise what it meant no idea but wow. hell of a dream, prior to this night i was thinking about Maren a big surprise cause i didn't even like her when i first met her but started to like her,lol. After i started to get to know her i started liking her it was weird maybe i just liked the attention and how she always made me smile and laugh haha. was i crazy i don't know, but i figured a car ride with her would help me get to know her better and boy did i. i even got a little glance at her dancing funniest thing.
haha, i got to know her and got a hundred for bring her back and fourth now im no gold digger but wow i like this gurl even more now, then it came to lunch today and i said lets "have a romantic lunch" and she was like "eating now at 11 as always if that's what you mean lol"

Well defiantly this university life is different i have a OK roommate that has a girl over every night and makes a lot of loud noise not sexual but talk and play movies really loud , then next door i have people who talk extremely loud and the other night had an orchestra last night and yea i was tired of both of them i confronted my roommate and said im trying to sleep can u please quiet down and called the Ra for my next door neighbors. this next time i wont be this nice ill deal with them myself Ive called already 3 times. i went to a party last night man was it lame the pike house yea wow, but i got pizza so not bad. lol.

Jamie a gurl from my high school added me on facebook that was kool, i use to have a crush on her shes nothing like the other gurls when i see her but for some reason, she isnt keeping my attention no gurl is maybe its cause im concentrated on my studies so much i could careless about them, but also there so magnificent here idk maybe its just me but if there here they gotta be something special and i met a gurl named cass , and wow shes unique individual, like one of the guys awesome friend, and that brings me to borna  a international student from Croatia which is pretty odd with his  obsession for food and studies and working out.

 i still miss her horribly i cant get her out of my head this gurl must have done damage to me i had a temporary fix with a friend but still nothing like her. im here in stetson and i honestly think the reason im not letting anyone in my heart is cause well its shattered and i dont think it will heal anytime soon, i know braking up with her was the right thing but still wow oh wow do i miss her and how perfect my life was back then, my moms lost her job and im the type of person that has always been use to having money and now well its like im not gonna have enough for next semester what and upset, from going from extremely stable to ouch i dont work anymore my family said i would have to worry about , but i guess thats what life teaches u when your up enjoy it cause when your down your gonna hit hard.

i hate the fact im held back from join MMA because i don't have insurance or the money for it. hell this weekend i had a choice between a insane party in gains ville or grocery and stay in deland, guess i bought groceries lol. and now I'm here in a building studying for classes what Ive been doing all day and even till now, with a couple brakes in between. thou these thoughts of her havent gone away i know the wright gurls here for me , only a matter of time. but time can be cruel, to those who wait for it could be a while but hey when i have my bachelors and mba man oh man am i gonna be a happy man.

What will this mean, i officially cut off all lose ends, fixed and prepared for this day all week. I am falling for Kat, I'm fighting it and she is to but if shes like me the more we fight it the worse it will get for us , i haven't had sex in two weeks i officially think I"m over my sex addiction. In two weeks i return with a new attitude maybe  new girl haha lets see , hopefully i can resist my urges and concentrate hard on my books and working out. I intend to add mass to my upper body and be muscular. 

My friend tells me that my ex has been sleeping with her ex the one she cheated on me with so many times before. i got really pissed n text ed her a storm so that i could pick up my clothes that night i wasn't level headed at all, i felt so angry i was gonna get my clothes if it was the last thing i did grrr. then eventually after i blew up her phone she text me asking what happened and i was like don't worry i just need my clothes. then i said I'm keep calling till i get my Clothes  i called and called it was ridiculous. then i text ed her after 10 failed calls. after 2 hours she responds with whats wrong and i said call me I'll try to talk calmly and after i called her i told her what happened and that i just needed comfort. she gave me comfort and i was ok with that. she held me and vice versa at her house.I slept like a baby. then the morning came and everything went down hill from there.  we got to kissing and more then eventually we took a shower it was nice seeing her again keep in mind i hadn't seen her in two weeks. What a weekend i slept with my ex that i didn't wanna brake up with but i did. which made me feel awesome i hadn't had sex in two weeks. but then it set in she slept with the guy more than once during the time frame we were single. she still wasn't over him apparently. it was only a week and she slept with him the day before valentine's day man i felt great. also a couple other times between when i also slept with her wtf. i keep attracting shit its bull-shit. so i woke up to not only the regret from Sunday morning of sleeping with her but my other ex i started talking to that i was gonna supposedly save from her abusive boy-friend that she had broken up with tells me that shes getting yelled at by her boy friend and i said well I'll save you from that I'll be your knight and shining armor be my gurl-friend drop him and give it three weeks and I'll be yours we can relive old times. but turns out she didn't brake up with him n was actually messing around with this black guy and he yelled at her i was like dam wright u deserve that don't talk 2 me i thought we were gonna get together, whatever. so i got hit by both this morning Im the type of guy who believes in treating a gurl wright and never being cheated on or hurt but man ever since i left my first love Alexandria who took my virginity things have gone down hill slowly but surely it sucks.not only that but my boss was yelling at me furiously that morning about we had to do this this and that i was like omg. what a freakin morning then my boss says whats wrong u don't seem to happy i was like well this this and this and you wouldn't let me finish my goal for today. yes i am having a tough morning but dont worry about it i can handle it. 

A man who cant help but love a girl who doesn't love him is he a fool or plain stupid. He finds out shes been cheating on him with a ex even though hes madly in love with her and yet he still loves and cant get over it or her. a fool he is to bad he's left three girls for her and continues to go back 2 her. y he asked o yea that's right hes stupid and wants it to work so bad but it seems hopeless always. i love her. i was completely oblivious to her cheating i heard of rumors of the crimes but i still stayed and believed her over everyone. till one day a friend told me she wasn't with her and that she was with him the ex so i go to her house and there he is no big surprise so i took my ring away and ran around the block cold as hell but the colds nice it helps remind u your alive even when u feel dead to yourself and the world. I'm a helpless romantic i guess and will never be happy till this day i wonder what if none of this had ever happened what if i never dated her ( well i would have never enjoyed all the good moments but at the same time i would not be the broken man i am today stronger yes but so pathetic at the same time) im currently daing her and slowly getting over it but everytime theres a movie about this kind of stuff it reminds me of what happened. therefore i think women can be just as cruel and selfish as man can be. its a cruel world plain and simple like a friend said if your not screwing someone over your getting screwed over.  

i hit sara today in the face, she pissed me off . i don't know how i could do that i guess someone can only be pushed so far. she keeps talking to guys wright infront of me. im her boyfriend and i love her but the thought that if she can talkto them wright infront of only bring to mind what she can do behind my back. i just dont know shes already slept with my close friend even after knowing how much i liked her.  just her past clearly tells that she can do it again. i cry everytime  we have fights everytime something goes wrong, never infront of her but inside my soul and heart i'm dieing, suffering and losing my humanity. to lose her would be to lose everything i stand for to keep her means losing everything i've ever loved before her.maybe it just need to cool of and think of something else maybe  go fish , listen to music go for a run read a book instead of playing a alternate reality game that helps me to escape the pain i feel. instead of bottling them up i should express them thru swimming, excerise, or something else but she's suffocating me i cant do nothing all she ever wants to do is relax i'm tired of it i wrestled during high school, and i'm use to be physically active running, lifting and being all i can be . i feel like shes choking the life out of me. she was fun when we where friends, but now i don't know. to think i want to marry her and all this stuff. everyone says bad things about her and i defend her right away. i don't think im a bad boyfriend, but just dont know what to do anymore.

i saw Jill (my ex) today i asked her if she wanted to hangout and sure enough she did i wasn't sure. if she still be mad at me for using her to cheating on my current girl (Sara) i was pissed and full of b.s. i heard from people. so i cheated on Sara. well anyways to the naughty juicy stuff. i figured we just be friend, but it sure as hell didn't end that way she started to massage my dick and i tried to refuse her  at this point i am faithful, but if i didn't let her I'd crash. then when we got to the house Jill was overly sexual and i tried really hard to resist but she knew every square inch of my body and all the ways to turn me on. over and over she touched me and i refused her all the way to the point where i was defenseless. kiss after kiss, wrestle after wrestle struggle for control of my hormones, to the point where i could not refuse her she gave me oral, and i was like o my, this is so wrong but so dam good. i was thinking how could i do this to Sara again, but if Jill was the aggressor, does that make me innocent or am i just as guilty as the first time when my heart was troubled. i resisted as much as i could.

i was looking back at the vacation pics in the cabin i realized i was unexplianably happy with her, even in the keys a picture can say a thousand words. i miss her so much i wish we werent at each others throat so much towards the end, it was my fault i think. i mean i was the one who got her on birth control (horrible mood swings), the one who wanted to be with my friends more. I looked at the oppurtunity costs and valued my friends more because i was always with her, but now i trade anything for her (alexandria) i miss her and cry over all the good times we had, the only thing she wanted was to be with me more, but i on the other hand wanted space, i still love her till this day i c shes still single as would i but i was kinda of forced into a realtionship i wasn't ready for, seeing as my heart belonged to another, but after a week i gave in and said ok, we can try it, but that didn't work something deep inside probably my heart told me no. so we broke up, then came sara what everyone wanted for me, but i really didn't want her i always wanted alexandria. i loved all the places she took me and how she always kept me guessing she was a bit obessive but what gurl isn't . everything she said happened i felt like crap she though i moved on fast and yeah it ended that way, then i ended up with sara i mean everything i told her wasnt true was one hundred percent true i can't believe she knows me  so good, maybe it was the fact we were togther a year with 3 brake ups in between.

 

It all started off with my favorite relaxing spot in Fort Pierce. so we arrived she told me that she didn't like those guys at this point, i glanced at some gurl, then took a second look and said wow she looks even better. now yes this isn't something u say infront of your gurl but still i'm a guy. so she replies with are u fucking kidding me look at all that cellulate in her thighs!! ok whatever i was a little ticked about that but no big deal she said lets go somewhere else. so we did we went on what i though was a romantic walk along the beach but no not all she told me that on her trip there's not going to be nothing good on tv so she's probably going to go mess around with some guys but don't worry joey i'm on birth control. (strike two) so then i said fine if that makes you happy really pissed wright now of how she could say that i started to walk back, and she walked even faster as if somehow i pissed her off. so we get back to the car and arrive at the movie theather we attempt to watch leatherheads. i step out to relax and pee off course in the bathroom. then i come back and suddenly she hits the coke three times abruptly and then picks it up and throughs it at me hitting my face and getting it all over me.(strike 3) so i to prevent mysef from hitting her go to the other side of the movie theather and relax but she like 2 minutes later comes to me apologizing to me but wtf i cant forgive her for that so i told her just leave me alone then i basically run to the other side again and she chases me and sits next to me and i tell her seriously leave me alone. i need space then she starts grabbng me and i tell her leave me alone now. i was scared at this point of what i might do to her or she might do to me. i started to cry my emotions were getting the best of me. then when i stopped crying she sits on my lap and tells me i know i shouldnt have done that i wanted to drink the coke what kind of fucked up apology is that and she was laughing about it. so i continue to watch the movie and finally she goes but i swear i though she wanted me to go after her because she kept going in and out looking at me but i really didn't care at that point. so i finished watching the movie and  we walked to the car and i new what i had to do but i wasn't ready for it so i cried a whole lot more at her house in her room and i told her i have to break up with u, your holding me back and keeping me from doing things. so after a long amount of crying she says you dont want to do this and i'm like but i have to. in the back of my head the gurls lost it she finally cracked and i must of to i never cry and i did none stop for must of been an hour. then we came to asettlement of just taking  break and hey that sounded good to both of us but i guess it only looked that way. monday morning i don't know what was in her panties but she texts me saying that we really shouldn't even be freinds and heck i said fine if thats what u want. and so we broke up. tadda you have just read joe's side of the story let's see if that one gurl wrights her side.

well this saturday will be a week not bad i guess. me and my gurl both dicded to take a brake hmm, will this work i doubt it we got really close tuesday to doing it, but we didn't. o well lets see where this goes.